Please insist columnist writes like an adult

How witty and original, I thought, as I read Chuck Pezeshki’s latest column. How masterful to nickname Dr. Anthony Fauci, he with only half a century of public service (having managed to save the lives of a paltry few million people in that entire tenure), as “Tiny Tony,” an “Evil Elf,” the “Mendacious Munchkin,” a “Pernicious Pixie with Pointy Little Shoes.” And in the same column to also brilliantly expose that “Sexy Vampire Grandma Nancy Pelosi,” while alluding to both as child sacrificers. We are fortunate, I mused, to have a columnist capable of such erudite reflection. And a newspaper editorial staff with the wisdom to publish his columns of intellectual inventiveness.

But alas, to my dismay, I have since learned that The Donald of Orange and his Mimicking MAGA Minions use the same sobriquets! Could it be that Chunky Chuck is not original after all, I pondered? Corpulent Charles nothing more than a Plump Plagiarist? I am sure our Rotund Reporter’s loyal follower remains ever hopeful that, even after years of columns to the contrary, Chubby Chuck might one day land upon a topic about which he has some expertise. Otherwise his legion of fan might sorrowfully have to admit that their beloved Porcine Pezeshki is nothing more than a Portly Purveyor of Pablum.

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