Have the past two years of productive governance, mostly responsible leadership, and nonviolent elections left you bored to tears? You’re in luck: The circus is back in town.

The performers may have tried to burn the stadium to the ground to keep the show going last time around. But after facing zero consequences, they’re back. Witness human contortionist Kevin McCarthy, a man able to bend into any shape — almost as though he has no spine at all. Stand amazed as magician George Santos pulls rabbits out of … well … his hat, we hope. And be thrilled by Marjorie Taylor Greene on the flying trapeze — why, she’s the very definition of flighty and ungrounded. You’ll be astounded by Boebert the Clown and the House Freedom Caucus clown car, as well as the dramatic descent of Human Cannonball Donald Trump — minus the cannon but with all the dead weight he’s famous for.

Sadly, Walker the Wolf Man couldn’t make it, but we still have truth juggler Matt, special guest Kanye the One Man Freak Show, and delusionist Ryan Zinke who shall reveal the secrets of “the Deep State” and their plot to cancel the American cowboy (which makes perfect sense as long as you absolutely refuse to think about it). And don’t miss the Fox News hypnotism exhibit, the Proud Boys Wheel of Death, or the world’s largest mime troupe: “The Moderate Republicans.”

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