In case you haven't been tipped off: there are aliens in our midst.
They lurk around the street corner, behind the bushes and, dare I say, in the very basements of our houses of worship. They are dark, have body odor and threaten what we hold sacred - our Judeo-Christian values.
According to our alien protector in chief, Donald Trump, these undocumented aliens are "putting our national security at risk." Attorney General Jeff Sessions and his legal team are on board. There should be no sanctuary or what is now termed "sanctuary cities" - jurisdictions where undocumented immigrants feel safe from federal immigration authorities.
Federal District Judge William Orrick must not have known of, or simply disregarded this peril, and subsequently ruled to block Trump's executive order, which would sever federal funding to any city or county that refuses to do as they are told.
And what is it that America's towns are being told to do?
At the very minimum, Sessions' memo calls for: reporting immediately the immigration status of anyone taken into custody to the Department of Homeland Security; granting DHS open access to any detention facility; and notifying DHS 48 hours notice before anyone is released ostensibly, so that the dark threat (no doubt hiding in our unconscious) can be taken into federal custody.
Jurisdictions that don't comply risk losing federal funding. New York City alone receives $10.4 billion in federal funds for social services and related programs.
This executive order telegraphs the message to these immigrants - and those who would shield them - that they are not wanted here. "Don't get too cozy; you will be hunted down in our hospitals, our schools and community centers." Never mind that the vast majority of these individuals left their countries and families because of oppressive environmental and safety concerns.
Thirty years of census data tells us that immigrants are one-half to one-fifth as likely to be incarcerated as our native born sons and daughters.
"There's no way I can mess with the numbers," according to Alex Nowrasteh of the Cato Institute, "to get a different conclusion."
This dose of reality makes Trump's fearmongering even more suspect; his obsession that "We will end the sanctuary cities that have resulted in so many needless deaths."
We know his intended audience is also alien parents: he has cancelled the Deferred Action for Childhood Arrivals program aimed at the 700,000 immigrants who had been brought to the U.S. as children.
What is of most concern is not the guile and cunning. Quite to the contrary - there is a lack of posturing behind this executive order; it is as stark and consistent as the entire "America First" regime, built upon Judeo-Christian values of getting rich by effort and sweat, evidenced by salvation and the prudent application of soaps and deodorants to cover up the stench.
Who needs clues when Steve Bannon provides such stunning clarity, "These are not people with thousands of years of understanding democracy in their DNA coming up here."
And Bannon, minus the Harvard polish, leaves us with Archie Bunker's thoughts on immigration:
"You don't know nothin' about Lady Liberty standin' there in the harbor: send me your poor, your deadbeats, your filthy. They come swarming in like ants. Your Spanish P.R.'s from the Caribboin, your Japs, your Chinamen, your Krauts and your Hebes and your English fags. All of 'em come in here and they're all free to live in their own separate sections where they feel safe. And they'll bust your head if you go in there. That's what makes America great, buddy."
Archie made his home in Corona, Queens - 7 miles from where Donald grew up in Jamaica Estates. Might be called a sanctuary of sorts.
After years of globetrotting, Todd J. Broadman finds himself writing from his perch on the Palouse and loving the view. tjbroadman@gmail.com.
